


Safe

by KaydenEli72



Series: All too much [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is really sick, Cute, Drowning, Eliza knows about Lams, Horses, Illness, John is dying, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Sickfic, alex is really cute, alex is really really sick, alex wants his dad, cuteness, eliza is the only one who knows whats going on, john is refusing to sleep, more lams, sick, washington is a dad now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-08-23 20:21:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20212852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaydenEli72/pseuds/KaydenEli72
Summary: It's a trip out, just the weekend. Alex thinks he'll be fine, he's just a little under the weather... right? How hard can it be to keep it from John and the people around him?





	1. Down

**Author's Note:**

> I know the previous part in this series is nowhere near finished, but I wrote this a while ago and I've been wanting to put it up here. Anyway, enjoy :)

POV: ALEX

“She’s your sister.”

“I don’t care.”

“You have to see your family eventually.”

“You are my family, Alexander.”

Alex sighed. John just wasn’t going to budge. He needed to think. After about a minute of silence, an idea came to him. Not a perfect one, but an idea. “What if… I… came with you.” He asked, hesitantly.

“Come with me? What would we tell my family? Where would you sleep- in my room there, I only have one bed…”

“Easy. We tell your family that I wanted to get away for a bit.”

“And the bed?”

“Don’t judge.” Alex blushed

“Yes?”

“I could… sleep with you.” He felt his face redden further.

John froze. His face went even redder, if that was possible. “I’d like that- I mean… they would believe me if you did…”

“Then it’s settled. Why don’t we leave in about a half hour, we still want to be on time, I suppose. 

“Alright then, meet me here in twenty minutes, we can pack the horse and figure it out from there.

“Perfect,” Alex left, almost skipping back to his tent. Once inside, he packed everything he thought he might need and stuffed into a bag he found in his closet. He was done in about five minutes. After he was done, he decided to go and see Washington, to tell him where he was going. 

“Sir?” Alex knocked on the door of Washington's house.

“Alexander? Come in. What do you need?”

“John’s sister has a party, and he didn’t really want to go. I told him I’d go if he went, to keep him company. Is that alright?”

“Yes, I suppose. How long will you be gone?”

“About five days I think. We’re leaving soon.” Alex didn’t know what else Washington needed to know- he didn’t break very often.

“Alright, go have some fun.”

“I think I can do that.”

“You think?” Washington raised his eyebrows. “How about this? No work. None.”

“But-”

“None.”

Alex knew there was going to be no arguing, Washington almost never changed his mind. He was just going to have to go five days without work. How hard could that be? A noise interrupted his thoughts. He turned, John was standing at the doorway, he had apparently gotten the same idea as Alex.

“Hey Alex. Did he already tell you everything, sir?”

“I believe so. Alex, why don’t you finish packing? I need a word with Laurens.

As Alex left, he saw Washington move closer to John and say something inaudible to him. John nodded, and left. 

“What did he want?” Alex asked, interested.

“Nothing, just to tell me that you are not allowed to work at all.” John said, smirking.

“I thought I was going to get away with it…” Alex muttered, shaking his head. Of course Washington told John, he was making sure Alex couldn’t work. Alex felt a twinge in his stomach that he wasn’t sure had anything to do with not working. He shook it off and followed John to the horse, which was already half loaded.

“Just go grab your stuff and we’ll be off, okay?”

“I’ll be right back.” Alex ran to his tent, panting slightly when he got there, even though it had only been a short run. He snached his bag from his back and walked back to John, still tired. They loaded the rest of the stuff on the horse, then climbed on.

“Sorry there’s only one. They couldn’t spare anymore.”

“It’s alright, maybe we only need one anyway.” Alex was secretly happy to be this close to John, but he couldn’t say anything. He felt his face heat as the horse moved, causing Alex to fall forwards into John. “Sorry, I don’t have much balance today apparently.”

“It’s fine. Now, let’s get going.”

John snapped the reigns and they were off. As they rode, Alex realized that he was feeling sick. But, not the flu. With a jolt, he realized what this feeling was. Something he hadn’t felt for a year. It was a sickness that forced him into bed for days, no way around it. He didn’t know what he was like sick, he never remembered anything after. Only what Eliza had told him. He had managed to keep it from her for a couple years, but she found out eventually. He only hoped that he could keep it from John too. As they, Alex felt more and more sick. Eventually, he asked John to pull over so he could ‘go to the bathroom’. He ran into the bushes, to vomit everything he had eaten that day. It went everywhere. He hoped John couldn’t hear him. He sat down for a moment to regain energy, then he went back to the horse, so they could continue on.

“Are you alright? You’re pale!” John exclaimed, looking worried.

“I’m fine,” Alex lied, “I just saw a snake. I don’t like them very much.” He hoped back on the horse, hoping John couldn’t smell the puke that was still burning his tongue. He let his mind wander. A while later, the sun had started to set and Alex was growing more tired by the moment. He head was now resting on John’s and his eyes weren’t focusing. As they passed by some rocks, Alex looked up, a sight met his eyes that scared him tremendously. “Ahh!” He yelled, jumping up in his seat. “No!”

“Alex? Are you alright? What happened? Do I need to stop?”

Alex looked back to the spot he had just seen. Nothing. “It’s okay, I just thought I was slipping. We don’t need to stop.” In truth, Alex had thought he had seen a lion. But that was impossible, this was America. There weren’t lions here! That was insane. He must have imagined it. He felt his stomach drop, he knew just before he got really sick, he started seeing things.  _ Dammit Alex, figure it out. He can’t know.  _ He only had about a day before he got too sick. He had to find a way to hide this before John found out. His heart was pounding, but he was still tired. Deciding sleep would be good, he lied down on John, eyes closing. Just before he fell asleep, he felt John move him into a safer position. Smiling, he let sleep overtake him.

Hours later he awoke. The horse wasn’t moving anymore, they were standing still. John had dismounted and was pulling bags off the horse. 

“You’re up! How was your sleep?”

“Good, how long was I out?” Alex was worried that the answer was going to be longer than an hour or two.

“Just a few hours. Why?” 

“I just want to know how much it’s going to ruin my sleep schedule.” Alex smiled.

“The sleep schedule that doesn’t exist?” John asked, laughing.

“That’s the one.”

The pair of them grabbed their things and started the walk up to John’s door, as the stairs were impossible for a horse to get up. Around halfway, Alex collapsed, panting.

“Alex are you okay?” John bent down to help him up, but Alex refused it.

“I’m fine, just not as fit as I thought.” Alex tried to stand, willing himself to stand.  _ You can’t let him know. He can’t know, get up.  _ He got up, but his bag was too heavy for him to lift.

“Just leave it there, I’ll get it after. Okay? C’mon.” John continued up, dragging Alex with him.

“But-”

“Washington said not work. That means none.” John said pointedly, still pulling Alex.

“I don’t think he meant physical too.”

“Well, we don’t know. I’m playing it safe.”

“You make it sound like he’ll kill you if you let me do any work.”

John looked at him, smirking. “He just might.”

Alex rolled his eyes and continued up. When they reached the top, John opened the door and put down his bag. Then, he ran back down to get Alex’s. When he got back, Alex only have one shoe off, being too tired to take care of the other. 

“How much have you been working?” John asked, looking at him. “You look terrible. Let’s get you to bed.”

“I’m fine.” Alex didn’t feel fine, he felt like he was going to pass out any second. He eventually got off his second shoe, and John showed him his room.

The room was small, compared to the rest of the house. John seemed to love it. He had a bookshelf and a little side table stacked with journals and books. Alex wanted to look around but he was too tired. He changed into his nightwear he had brought and climbed into the bed. He lied on the opposite side from the table, assuming that’s where John slept. John got in a minute later, turning off the lights and crawled in beside Alex. Alex didn’t know what to do. Was he supposed to face John, face away? He didn’t have to think that much, because he was asleep in a matter of seconds.

Alex awoke with a start. Sun was shining through the window and birds were chirping outside. Alex realized he was curled around John, like a monkey. Slowly, he moved so he wasn’t on John anymore. Eventually, he was lying beside him, not touching. Alex felt a little part of him sink. He didn’t want to stop cuddling John, but it would be weird if he didn’t. After thinking about it for a while, a sudden wave of sickness washed over Alex. He jumped up and raced to the bathroom, remembering that Alex probably still had family here, and eventually found it, just in time. He vomited, managing to get it all in the toilet. After cleaning himself up, he went back to John’s room, who was sitting up when he got there.

“I was thinking, maybe we could go down to the beach today. There’s one just down the road, if you want. I don’t need to be there for setting up yet, and I thought we could spend some time together. You know, to get to know eachother better.”

Alex wasn’t sure what to think of this. He wanted to spend time with John, but he was sick and wasn’t sure it was the best idea. “I’m in!” He said, half regretting his decision. 

“Great! Can I assume you brought something to swim in?” John was beaming.

“You can. When do we leave?”

“In about ten minutes, will you ready by then? I just gotta make some breakfast.”

“Yeah, I’ll be ready. I don’t need breakfast, I’m not hungry.”

John looked concerned, but seemed to get over it. “Okay then, meet me at the front door soon. I will be ready.”

John left, leaving Alex to change alone. He changed as quickly as he could, making sure to put all his things in a corner as to not be messy. He made his way to the front door, slowly. When he got there, John was already ready. “How?” Alex was confused, how had John been ready before him, when he had made breakfast and all for himself.

“I have my ways. Now, let’s go. The water is best in the morning.” John led him out the door, down the steps, and onto a dirt pathway. They walked along the path for a good ten minutes before they reached the lake. 

From what he could see, the lake looked huge to Alex. Quick as he could, he undressed and placed his clothes aside. John, he noticed, was carrying a bag full of beach things for them. 

“Go ahead,” John told him, “Just give me a moment or two, I’ll be right in.”

Alex walked to the water’s edge, thinking about how risky it was for him to swim right now. What was the harm, sure he hadn’t swam in about six years, and he could collapse at any given moment, but John would be in with him in a moment. Alex approached the edge of the water, poking it with his foot once or twice. Deciding he’d be fine, he waded into the water, shivering at the low temperature. He had to admit, other than the cold, it felt nice. He continued to wade out, the land moving farther and farther away. The sand felt so nice on his feet, he thought about how it squished between toes every time he put his foot down. Then, it didn’t. The sand had suddenly disappeared. Alex started to panic. He couldn’t swim, what if couldn’t stay up.  _ That wouldn’t be all that bad…  _ he felt bad for thinking it. His mouth was almost under the water, he could hardly breathe. “John!” He called, then opened his mouth to call again. Before he could, a wave swept over him, forcing him under. He struggled to get back up, but it was no use, he began to sink, the surface now too far away to even put his hand back up. Down. Down. Down. He was sure that even if he’d gotten a boost that he wouldn’t make it now. Black was edging into his vision now. He felt trapped. He felt cold. He felt… calm.  _ Why am I calm? I shouldn’t be calm! I’m dying! Why am I calm?  _ His thoughts became more and more panicked as he sunk. He felt himself hit the bottom, but made no attempt to get up. He could hardly see, everything was fuzzed over and doubled. Just before he passed out, a dark figure swam over him, then dove down towards him.  _ John. I’m so sorry. _ He felt his breath leave him, as the darkness took him into oblivion.


	2. Stay with me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John doesn't know what to do, he has never seen anyone like this. All he knows is the ways he was taught as a young boy, he only hopes it will be enough

POV: JOHN

“John!”

He heard the panicked call just as he pulled off his shoes. He saw the sinking figure just as he reached the edge of the water. “Alex!” He yelled, moving as fast as he can through the water. He watched the hand go under the surface. John knew where Alex was, the dip. But, of course, he’d forgotten to tell him. John vision went blurry, but he didn’t know if it was from the water or crying. As he reached the edge of the dip, he put his head under to scan for Alex. After a moment, he found him, motionless at the bottom. He dove, kicking harder than he thought he could. He reached Alex in a matter of seconds. Grabbing underneath his arms to pull him to the surface, John is numb with panic, but he still felt the strain from the extra weight. After what seems like too long, they reached the surface. Alex still hasn’t moved. “Help! Please!” John calls, hoping someone comes. In no time, four pairs of hands have pulled him and Alex to the surface. As they approached the beach, John goes over the CPR procedures that his mom taught him. They lie Alex on the sand and move aside so John can try get him to breathe. He tries the chest compressions that he was taught to do first. Nothing happens at first, then Alex twitches violently and vomits water and sand all over the two of them. He still doesn’t breathe. He just lies there, pale as the sand. After trying more chest compressions with no result, John decided he had to try mouth to mouth. He lowered down his face until it was an inch away. He took a deep breath, his stomach fluttered for no reason, then placed his lips on Alex’s.  _ Cold.  _ Alex’s lips were too cold for any normal man. He continues the mouth to mouth for about thirty seconds. Just as he took another breath, Alex gasped. John almost cried. Alex didn’t stop gasping for a good ten seconds. When he stopped, he coughed violently, then lies motionless again, this time his chest moving. 

The people around John clap. “You need to get him back to your room, sir.” A man said, a worried look on him face. 

“I will, don’t worry, sir.” John stood and moves to put all their things in the bag. He just stuffs everything in, no caring that much. He slung it over his shoulder and moves back to Alex, double checking that he’s still breathing. John bent down to pick him up, taking note of how cold Alex’s skin is. Surprisingly, Alex is one of the lightest people he has ever held. Quick as he can, John makes his way back up the dirt path to the house. Climbing the stairs, with caution he reached the inside of his home that he had left hours before.

Because everyone is setting up for the party, no one is home. John was grateful for that. He dropped the bag of beach stuff on the floor and moves to the bathroom to draw a hot bath for Alex, who was still cold as ice. As the bath fills, John put Alex down on the floor to grab some warm clothes.

When he reached his room, he notices that all of Alex’s things are in one corner, making it easy for him. After looking through his bag, John realized that Alex had no warm clothes. Sighing, he grabbed his warmest pair of pajamas that he owned and walked back to the bathroom.

When he arrived, Alex had woken up and was now gripping counter in an attempt to stand up. “Alex! What are you doing?” John asked, slightly panicked at how pale and tired Alex looked. 

“I need to get some clothes.” He managed, panting slightly.

“No.” John told him. Alex looked confused. “You are in no condition to go anywhere, you can hardly stand!”

“I can stand just fine.” Argued Alex, paling more from the energy drain. 

“No. You’re having a bath, then going to sleep, Alex. You’re sick.”

“I’m not!” He tried to take a step, but couldn’t get enough energy to do so.

“Oh Alex,” John sighed. He moved towards him and put his are under Alex’s. Alex crumbled. He sunk right into John’s arms, almost falling out of them. “Not sick?” John asked, half panicked, half almost laughing at Alex’s stubbornness. 

“No, I’m fine.” Alex told him, shivering.

At this, John did laugh. The bath had finished filling, so he began to lower Alex into it. Once Alex was completely submerged, he used a cloth to wash away the sand. Over time, Alex’s eyes began to close. He was soon fast asleep. In no time, John finished washing Alex and pulled him out of the tub, lying him on the towel he had placed on the ground. Alex shivered, but didn’t wake up.

Because John had been trying to get Alex into the bath, he hadn’t taken off his swimwear. Careful not to wake him, John slowly pulled off Alex's swimwear, not looking for the sake of Alex. He finished drying him, then put the pajamas that he had brought for Alex on him. John smiled. Alex just looked so happy, so… peaceful. John just wanted to hold him forever. No. That was weird. He wanted to… he didn’t know. Just seeing Alex that peaceful made him happy. He picked Alex up and stood to bring him back into John’s room. 

While he walked, Alex curled in his arms, pushing his face into the crook in John’s elbow. John remembered what Washington had said to him earlier.  _ “Keep him safe. He is important. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid- or worse. Okay? Oh, I told him he wasn’t allowed to work on this trip. Make sure of that. I love that kid too much for his own good. Just, keep him safe.”  _ Well, John knew he was doing a terrible job of that now wasn’t he. He just had to figure it out.

When they reached the room, John pulled the sheets back with his foot, which took a very long time. He then lied Alex down and covered him. Realizing that he still had to clean the bathroom, he left. As he reached the door of his room, Alex stirred.

“John?” He called, softly

John panicked, last time Alex had said that—no. He was fine now. John turned. “Yeah?”

“M’ I sick?” He moaned. Alex didn’t really seem himself. His words were slurred and his body relaxed.

“Yes. You need your sleep.”

“M’kay.” He muttered. 

Now John was worried, Alex never accepted rest. But, then again, he needs rest. He turned to leave once more then Alex spoke again.

“John? Can you stay with me?” 

John insides weakend. Alex sounded like a seven year old wanting their parents. He sounded so weak, so tired. He swallowed. “Of course.” He turned away from the door and walked back to the bed. “Can I change?” He asked Alex, realizing he was still in swimming clothes. 

“Fine.” Alex smiled.

Quick and quiet as he could, he changed into pajamas. He lay his wet clothes on the ground and got on the other side of the bed with Alex. In less than a second, Alex had moved over and was cuddling John.

“You smell good.” He muttered, eyes already half closed.

John chuckled, “thanks.” John put his hand on Alex's head and stroked his hair. It was something that had helped him fall asleep when he was young, his mom stroking him when he couldn’t sleep. Within a few moments, Alex’s eyes closed and his breathing evened and slowed. Alex moved closer still to John and wrapped his hand on John side. This was making John feel something he rarely felt. Something he shouldn’t be feeling here and now. Love. He was in love with Alex. The only problem? Alex had a wife, he had a child- three at that! Alex and him would never happen. He just had to push aside any feelings and just be friends. Even the thought crushed him. He continued to stroke Alex’s hair, thinking. After a good ten minutes, John decided he could clean the bathroom without Alex waking. Slowly, he removed himself from Alex and crept out of the room. This time Alex just frowned, but didn’t wake.

John crept down the hall and into the bathroom. Working a minute he had wiped up water and hung Alex’s swimwear on the hook they had. 

As he began to creep back to his room, John realized that if Alex woke he’d be hungry. John crept to the kitchen, deciding what to get for food. Eventually, he decided on some bread and butter— something that wouldn’t go bad if left for an hour. Then he wrote a quick note to his mom, explaining what had happened and asking them not to disturb Alex. He put the note on the counter and went back to his room.

When he got back, Alex was still asleep, a good sign. He closed the door to make sure to keep out as much sound as he could. He then placed the plate of bread on the side table. Finally, he got back into bed and worked his way to Alex, who, unsurprisingly, began to cuddle him again. John decided he might as well resume stroking Alex’s hair. He moved his arm so that it was under Alex’s head. Then, he used his other arm to stroke this hair. This action not only calmed Alex, but himself too. Eventually, John fell asleep, arm on Alex's head, Alex halfway on top of him.

Around ten o’clock, John woke to a violently shaking Alex. He was confused, firstly, when did he fall asleep. Secondly, Alex. With a glimpse at Alex’s face, he realized that Alex was still asleep. He also realized that Alex was… crying? Not sure what to do, John looked at Alex. He realized that Alex’s jaw was clenched and his muscles were tense. That’s when he realized that Alex was having a nightmare. Gently, he shook Alex awake. “Alex? Alex. Alex wake up.” Alex wasn’t waking up. John was worried. Less kindly, he shook Alex telling him to wake up. Alex sat bolt upright, breathing heavily. 

He noticed that his legs were on top on John and quickly. “Sorry.” Alex muttered. 

“All good. You okay now?” 

“Yeah, I think.”

“Good. How are you feeling?” John asked, still worried.

Alex paused to think. “Tired. Light headed. I don’t know.”

“Alright. Why don’t you go back to sleep? You need the rest to get better.”

“But I’m not sick!” Alex protested. “I could go for a run and not ever be tired!”

“Didn’t you just tell me that you felt tired?” John asked, eyebrows raised.

“No! Here I’ll prove it.” Alex began to get out of bed.

John, not sure what to do, decided to let it play out. He knew that Alex hadn’t eaten for a long time and had no energy. He also knew that when Alex was sick, his muscles got really weak.

Alex sat up, swaying slightly. He pushed himself up into a standing position and stood like that for a second before crumbling. “See? Fine.” He stated.

“Alright then. But it’s ten o’clock, bedtime.” He bent to pick Alex up, but Alex tried to roll away.

“I don’t sleep.” He said. “I just stay awake.”

“Alright. Fine.” John said. “But you have to lie in the bed, my mom won’t let you sleep on the floor if she finds you.” 

Alex looked at him, then, tried to get on all fours to crawl, collapsing before he could even get halfway.

“Want some help?” John asked, holding back a laugh.

“No,” Alex pouted. Then after another failed attempt to get up, “maybe.”

John stood up and picked up Alex. He lay him down on the bed. “Hungry?” He asked, expecting a yes.

“Nope.”

This was confusing. Alex hadn’t eaten since before noon. But he let it slide. He lied down beside Alex and pulled out a book. John knee that if he waited long enough, Alex would put himself to sleep, and sure enough, within a minute, his eyes began to close. But he shook himself awake. John rolled his eyes. This happened a few more times before Alex tried just sitting up. This didn’t work, when his eye began to close, his neck started to bend. His back relaxed and he began to fall over, hardly able to keep his eyes open. His head hit John’s lap as he struggled to open his eyes. John hand quickly found his hair, and began to stroke it. Alex stopped struggling and gave in. John put his book down and slid down to a lying position. 

Some time later, John realized that Alex was on the verge of sleep, he breathing would hitch every once and awhile, and his face was not quite as relaxed as it had been. Sometime Alex would make noise and move. It was during one of these times that John was almost asleep.

“...love...oo.”

John eyes snapped open. He did not just hear what he thought he heard. “What?” He asked, heart pounding.

“I love… you.” Alex muttered.

John's heart sunk. Alex probably thought he was Eliza. “Alex, I’m John, not Eliza. John.”

“I know,” Alex muttered, “I love John. You. You… John.” Alex smiled and finally, fell asleep.

John was light headed. His heart pounding. His body shaking. Alex couldn’t love him. Alex had a wife, he probably just meant a brotherly love. Not real love. No. Alex moved his head into the crook of John’s neck. John couldn’t help but smile. Alex was just so adorable.  _ But he doesn’t really love you. _ He knew it was true. He knew Alex wouldn’t remember it in the morning. That just made him feel worse. He laid his head down on top of Alex’s, and closed his eyes. He knew he wasn’t going to fall asleep, but he needed rest. Slowly, his thoughts became fuzzy, his heart slowed and his breath evened. Eventually, he fell asleep.


	3. "not sick"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John has to figure out what to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short, but it's all I got for it.

He woke to Alex lying right on top of him, hugging him like a pillow. Making sure to keep his breath even, John lied there, thinking. It was in those quiet moments that he remembered Alex’s reaction to when he had realized his legs were on his own. John realized that Alex was going to panic when he realized that he was on top of John. But, there was nothing he could do.

About an hour or so later, Alex stirred, lifting his head to look around. He looked at the window and at the sun, then down to John, eyes open staring right at him. “John— I… uh… erm… sorry.” Alex’s face was red, much redder than it should be. He looked so embarrassed. 

John laughed, “you know Alex. Your kind of cute when you sleep.”  _ Shut up, shut up. You sound weird.  _ John tried to play it cool. That plan went out the window quickly.

Alex shook. “Am I?” 

“Yes. Definitely. Anyway, can you stand yet?”

“Maybe… but I’m not sick! I swear!” Alex grinned. He sat up and pushed himself into a standing position, this time not falling, just swaying. “See! I can stand. But, maybe so I don’t use all my energy, could you… help me to the kitchen?”

John laughed. This boy was gonna be the death of him. “Of course, or shall I just carry you, your highness?”

Alex laughed weakly, but nodded.

John picked him up again and didn’t put him down until they were in the kitchen. “Alright,” he started, looking at the breakfast things they had, “ my family is still setting up for the party, so they’re all out. But, it seems that they left us some food for breakfast. We have… eggs and oatmeal and… nope that’s it, what would you like?”

“Well, this will be a hard one… maybe… both?” Alex answered, laughing

“Alright then, just a few moments.” And in no time at all, John had made a steaming bowl of oatmeal and some scrambled egg.

Alex ate quickly, he was obviously very hungry. Then a look of confusion came across his face. “What happened yesterday?”

“What do you mean?” Asked John, worried.

“Well, I remember everything up until lunch… and the lake… then, nothing for a while. Then I was in the bathroom, but only for a moment or two… then I was on the floor, then I wasn’t. And now I’m here… why don’t I remember? I want to remember!” Alex sounded panicky now. “What happened? Who brought me here? What’s wrong with me?” 

“Calm down. It’s alright. You almost drowned in the lake, I… saved you. I brought you back here and drew you a bath. Then I got you into bed. You woke up with a nightmare around ten- yes you slept for ten hours- and decided you weren’t sick and was going to go for a run to prove it. You didn’t get farther than standing. Which is why you were on the floor, you fell. And I put you back in the bed, you refused to sleep. That didn’t work either. You fell asleep and now we’re here.” Laurens had decided to leave out the part where Alex had asked him to stay and the I love you because he didn’t want to scare Alex. 

“Huh. That make some sense.” Alex looked satisfied. “You know, I’m kind of full…” 

“That’s fine, I’ll save this. You sure?”

“Yes.”

John turned around. For one second. One second he turned around with the dishes. That was all. He turned back to find Alex on the floor, on all fours, vomiting everywhere. “Alex! Oh no. Why didn’t you say something?”

“Didn’t think… not… necessary.” Alex grunted. He stopped vomiting. “I’m still not sick.” He told John.

“Sure you’re not. Lie down, right there. Okay? I just need to clean this up. Stay there.” Surprisingly, Alex did as he was told. He lied down. John cleaned as quickly as he could. By the time he was done, Alex had curled into a ball, clutching his stomach, face whiter than it had been this trip. “Alright. I’m going to draw you a bath, you just vomit into the toilet if you need okay?” Alex just nodded. John brought him back to the bathroom and turned the taps on again.Alex just sat at the toilet, rocking back and forth. “Hey, I’m gonna grab you some more pajamas, okay?” He didn’t get a response.

Back in his room, John knew Alex didn’t have good clothes, so he got some more of his own good pajamas and brought them back to the bathroom. 

“Not mine.” Alex groaned, not moving from the toilet.

“I don’t care. The pajamas you brought are terrible. You’re using these.” John sounded more forceful than he meant. 

“Okay… I gotta undress still, right?”

“Of course. We need you clean. I promise I won’t look.”

“Alright then.” With that, Alex began to undress, having trouble getting his pants off sitting down. “Help?” He muttered, still struggling.

“I got it.” John removed the rest of Alex’s clothes. John watched Alex struggle to open his eyes, watched him try to stay conscious, and fail. He watched Alex’s entire body relax. John sighed. The kid looked so adorable, so happy, so… peaceful. John couldn’t bring himself to move Alex, so he just grabbed a cloth and wiped Alex down, making sure he was completely clean before putting more clothes on him. 

When they finally got back to the bedroom, Alex had stirred and was trying to get up. “Gotta… gotta…” he couldn’t get any words out. He lay back down and just stared at the ceiling.

John sat there, watching him. A thought crossed his mind, one he couldn’t shak. “Hey Alex, have been sick like this… before?”

Alex looked at him, and nodded.

“Who took care of you? Eliza?”

Alex shook his head. “Me,” he croaked. 

John was surprised. “You? Take care of yourself? In this state? Does anyone KNOW?” He questioned, worried.

Alex shook his head again. 

This was not good. John had no one to ask, no one to help Alex when he wasn’t around. No one. Alex had no one.  _ Keep him safe. _ Making up his mind on the spot, John said, “Alex, you are gonna sleep, then we gotta get back to camp. I can’t do this by myself, I need someone else. Okay?”

Alex was already asleep. 


	4. Papa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John decides Alex needs help- more than he can give him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was... fun... to write

A few hours later, Alex woke. John had been sitting in a corner, reading. “Alright. We gotta go. Can you stand, wait no. Scratch that. I’m not taking a chance.” He picked Alex up bridal style and carried him out to the horses. “I found a way for you to get back on the horse without having to ride one. I stacked the bags so you can lean against them. I’m also gonna tie you to them so you don’t fall. Sorry.” He added, know Alex wouldn’t care.

“I can ride,” said Alex, obviously trying to make his voice stronger. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not taking a chance. If you fall off a horse, you could die Alex. So, no.” He placed Alex on top on horse and tied the rope across his chest and under his arms. He tied a knot in the back, making sure the rope wasn’t too tight. “Alright. We are ready to go.” And they left, riding away, John checking on Alex every minute or so. 

After an hour of riding, the horse started to get tired, so John stopped to rest for a bit. He untied Alex and went to sit near a tree. Using some of the food he had taken from the house earlier, John made Alex eat a single bite of food, hoping it wouldn’t come back up later. Then he gave some food to the horse, leaving a small amount for himself. While he did this, he hadn’t noticed Alex working his way to standing, and slowly walking to the horse, he obviously had gained more energy over the past hour. “Alex! You need to rest! Sit down!” John felt like he should have expected this.  _ Every damn time _ . He thought exasperatedly. He “helped” Alex get on the horse. Really he just lifted Alex, but Alex insisted that he did it alone. He put the ropes back on, hopped on in front of Alex, and they were off. 

About an hour later, John was riding along an incredibly narrow road. Anytime another rider passed, they were forced off the side, which was covered in pointy rocks. They were close to the point where the road was less narrow, wide enough for two horses at least. John hadn’t liked being this close to rocks while on a horse and was happy to be on something wider. He started to think about what he would tell Washington when he got back. His thoughts were interrupted but a movement behind him followed by a wumph. He turned to see Alex lying in the ground- in the rocks, motionless. 

“ALEX!” John jumped off the horse as fast as he could, making sure not to fall too. He rushed to Alex’s side, trying to assess his state. On the top, Alex looked fine. Then John turned him on his side.

Alex’s arm and head were covered in blood. “Noooooo…” moaned John, a sick feeling in his stomach. Quick as he could, he pulled the first aid kit from the horse, placing it beside Alex. All he could do now was hope. Hope Alex would be okay, hope he woke up. Hope he was alive. John cleaned the wounds as best he could, but the blood wasn’t stopping.  _ “Keep him safe.”  _ Washington's words rung in his ears as he tried to wrap Alex’s head in bandages, but the blood soaked through. He wrapped more and more bandages, hoping the blood would stop. Eventually, it lessened, no longer soaking through the bandages. Satisfied, but still worried, John put Alex back on the horse. From the looks of it, Alex had untied the rope somehow, but had failed to stay in a sitting position. Shaking, John put Alex on the horse, tying him up tighter than before. Take a few deep breaths, John got back on the horse in an attempt to get to Washington’s faster. The plan had been to stop, but John didn’t want to waste any time. 

As the time passed, John calmed a bit, but still worried. A noise behind him startled him, causing him to panic.  _ No!.  _ He thought,  _ not again! _ But it was only Alex waking. John became so relieved, he missed the fact that Alex was looking worse than ever.

“Papa?” Alex croaked, eyes half open.

John was lost for words. He knew that Alex was sometimes delusional when sick, but not this delusional. How could you tell a sick man that his father had left when he was ten. John decided to play dumb. “He’s not here… maybe we can look for him. What’s his name?” 

Alex paused. “George.” He said, hardly audible.

This worried John further. Unless Alex’s father's name had actually been George, which he doubted, then… Alex was more delusional than he’d thought. “Where does he live?” John knew that this question would answer his own. Alex had grown up poor, George lived in a huge house. There was no way Alex could think… well maybe he could. There was only one way to find out. Get to Washington.

“In a big house. With a lot of rooms.” Alex said, his voice trailing off.

“Okay… we’ll find him. Maybe you should rest for a bit till we get to a big house. How about that?”

“Okay.” Alex closed his eyes.

Not sure whether he was asleep or not, John ride on, desperate to get to Washington before nightfall. His thoughts kept him distracted, and in no time, Washington’s house was in view. Even though night had fallen much earlier, some lights were still visibly on. As they approached, John considered what he would say to Washington.  _ Yes, Alex is sick. He almost drowned, told me he loved me, puked, fell off a horse onto some rocks and now he thinks your his father. Sorry, didn’t really keep him safe..  _ John almost laughed at the thought. When they reached the front of the house, John hopped off the horse as quickly as he could and untied Alex. Pulling him into his arms, John decided to just leave the horse. Alex was more important than everything on the horse anyway. He ran to the door, nearly tripping so many times he had to walk. After a failed attempt to move his hand into a position to knock, John kicked the door several times. He heard hurried footsteps then a muffled voice from the other side. A click then,

“Laurens? But I thought you went to your sister party?” George Washington stood in front of them.

“Alex. Sick. Help.” John was shaking so bad he couldn’t speak.

George took one look at Alex and turned pale. “Inside, now.” 

Within a few minutes George had his wife up and began to draw a bath for Alex. “What happened?” George shook almost as badly as John. 

John told the story. From the beginning. Nothing left out. By the end of it, both of them were nearly in tears. “I didn’t know what to do. I should have come sooner. I’m sorry. I-” He couldn’t finish, as he was shaking with worry.

“Calm down, it’s alright.” George soothed, his voice shaking just as bad all the same.

The bath was now ready. They pulled off the dirty pajamas, and placed him in the hot water. 

A violent cough startled them both. Alex was awake, coughing, but awake. “Papa?” He asked upon seeing Washington.

A tear steamed down Washington’s face. “Yes, son?” He asked shaking.

John smiled a little. He knew how much Washington loved Alexander- like a son- so he would never pass up a chance to act as a father. Even if Alex was delusional.

“M’ I sick?” John almost laughed at Alex’s choice of words. Of course Alex would say the same thing as he had asked John yesterday. 

“Yes.” Washington spoke at the same time as John. They both smiled.

Alex, however, looked panicked, “Am I gonna die? I don’t wanna die! What if I die?” 

John now felt tears streaming down his own face. What if Alex did die? What if he couldn’t save him?

“You’re not gonna die. Okay? Me and John are gonna save you.” But even as he said this, Washington’s voice cracked.

“Okay…” Alex continued to babble nonsense for the rest of his bath. Even as they got his clothes back on, he talked. John couldn’t keep track of it all. Eventually, they got him into bed.

“Why is he so light?” George was just as confused as John had been on the beach.

“I don’t know, other than the fact that he hasn’t eaten in a few days…. George, he told me that he’s been this sick before. What is he’s not eating because he knows he’ll be sick?”

“That would explain something. Before you left, he kept asking us to bring food up to his room while he worked- you know he stays here when he’s on a big project. No one has seen him eat. He’s been throwing the food out the window.” George looked so worried, it even made John feel worse- something he hadn’t thought possible. “Wait… he’s been like this before. How? When? Who knew? Why has no one told me?”

John swallowed, “I don’t know when, but I don’t think anyone has known about it… he told me he just felt with it alone, but that might not be true.”

Washington’s face went so pale, John thought he was going to pass out. “What do we do?” He asked, faintly.

“I don’t know. I’ve just been… trying to keep him alive. I don’t know if I am. What if I’ve killed him? What if he dies and it’s my fault?” Tears we’re now streaming down Johns face.

“It’s gonna be alright, okay? Why don’t I have someone get Eliza, she might know more.” George left, leaving Kohn with Alex. 

“Alex?” John whispered, hoping he wouldn’t wake him, but hoping he was awake.

“Mmm?” Alex cracked his eyes open.

“We’re gonna make you better, Eliza’s gonna come help us. You just gotta get better. Please don’t die on us, okay?”

“Okay. Do I need to rest?” Alex sounded small, like he was almost asleep anyway.

“Yeah. When you wake up, maybe you’ll be better.”

“Goodnight then. Love you.” He said it so normally, John almost missed it.

“I… love you too, Alex.” John couldn’t believe he said it. It made him sad that Alex wouldn’t remember it, and that he was just delusional, he didn’t actually mean it. 

Alex smiled.

_ That smile. It’s gonna be the death of me.  _ It was then that John realized just how tired he was. He hadn’t slept about fifteen hours— normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but with everything else that had happened… He lay down next to Alex, who cuddled up beside him almost immediately. John wasn’t sure how Alex knew he was there, but he wasn’t against it. He let the sound of Alex’s heartbeat lull him to sleep.

He woke up hours later to someone gently shaking him. “John. John.”

“Yeah?” He muttered, still mostly asleep.

“Eliza’s here.” 

John opened his eyes. Washington was standing at his side, smiling. “Sorry…”

“For what,” Washington smiled more, “Has anyone told you that you look like a different man asleep? You look… peaceful.”

John rolled his eyes. “A few people. Same with Alex, he’s so-” John stopped himself before he said what he had almost said, beautiful. “So… relaxed. Happy. Adorable.”

“I know,” Sighed Washington, “I wish it wasn’t under such terrible circumstances that I see him like this. He hardly ever sleeps, you know.”

“I know. No one can get him to sleep if he has work. He works until he passes out. I came in one morning with him passed out… on the desk, his work where he had left it.”

“Poor boy… he’s gonna be the death of himself.”

They continued to stare at Alex until John shook himself out of the trance.”Where’s Eliza?” 

Washington looked confused for a moment. “Oh, yes. She is outside. I saw her riding in a few moments ago, just before I came to get you.”

They heard a knock at the door, not a second after Washington spoke. The two of them rushed downstairs to find Washington’s wife, opening the door to Eliza, looking like she hadn’t had the chance to change out of her nightwear, and a confused soldier.

“Thank you, O’Callahan. You are free to go. Eliza, come in.” Washington moved aside to let Eliza inside.

“What’s happened? That soldier said that I had to come immediately, but he didn’t seem to know why.”

“It’s Alexander, he’s very ill. We thought you could help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll post again, but I hope it will be soon. Thank you to anyone who has been reading this!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza arrives, John can only hope she helps...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant to update this... then life happened and I didn’t. So, sorry for making y’all wait, but here is the next chapter! Hope you like it!

“Dammit Alexander.” Eliza muttered, off in her own world. Then, she seemed to remember that everyone was there. “Where is he?”

“This way.” Washington led Eliza up the stairs, John trailing the two of them.

Eliza had about a hundred questions for Washington, “how long has he been like this? Has he eaten? Has he moved? Is he resting? Is he clean?” Those we’re just a few. After a while Washington cut her off.

“I honestly don’t know. These are questions for Laurens, he was with him.” 

Eliza turned to John. “Well?” She asked. “What’s happened?”

John recounted the story again, not leaving out any details. To his amazement, when he told her about Alex telling John he loved him, Eliza didn’t look surprised. By the time he’d finished, they were all sitting around Alex.

“...and I arrived here. We gave him a bath, and put him in bed. Then you showed up and we’re here now.” John finished. “I just have one question;!has this happened before?”

“It has. He managed to hide it from me for a couple years, but I eventually found out.”

“How?” 

“Well, you can only hide a sickness like that for so long. I found him one day in the bathroom, passed out. He had vomited everywhere, which was another clue. I didn’t realize how sick he was until he gave in to resting and not working. When he stopped trying I got worried, but I couldn’t find a nurse who knew what he was going through. We just felt with it. The problem is, he remembers being sick, but doesn’t remember anything that happened. He’ll just keep denying it.”

“How often does he get this sick?” Washington spoke for the first time since he had told Eliza to ask John. 

“About once a year. The thing is, there’s no pattern and no indication. One moment he’s fine, the next he out cold.”

“Uuugh,” Alex was awake again. 

All three of them rushed to his side, but Eliza spoke first. “Alex? How are you feeling?”

“Hurts,” Alex moaned, “everything hurts… why does everything hurt?” His voice was shaky, something John had never heard before.

“Just sleep, it won’t hurt soon.” John wasn’t sure how Eliza kept so calm, but she had done this more times.

“I got to work.” Alex sounded so sure of himself.

“No you don’t, you gotta sleep.”

“Alright…” Alex closed his eyes, accepting defeat.

“That’s it? That’s all you had to do?” Laurens was surprised, Alex normally tried to get up with him.

“Sometimes it’s harder, but he seems to get more tired the longer he’s sick,” Eliza sighed, “at the start he thinks he can do anything. All you have to do is calm him and he’ll be asleep in a second.”

“How do you calm him?” Washington asked 

“Back rub, stroking his hair, sometimes all you have to do is lie down with him.” 

“Really? That sounds easy.” Washington looked surprised.

“It is.” Eliza smiled. “He likes being around people.”

From below them, Alex muttered something inaudible.

“John?” Eliza said.

“Yes?”

“I have found that Alex will only respond properly to whoever has been with him the most while he’s sick… I tried to have a nurse stay with him, that didn’t work. I know this sounds weird, but could you stay with him? I’ll stay here, but while I’m sleeping could you… lie down with him?”

John nodded, “if it’s gonna help him get better, I’ll do anything.” Privately, John was happy he got to stay with Alex, but he didn’t want to tell Eliza or Washington. It was too weird.

“Eliza, why don’t you come sleep in the guest room for the night? It’s one of the closer rooms if Alex needs you.”

“That would be nice.”

Washington led Eliza to her room while John got ready for bed. In no time, he was lying next to Alex. 

Alex rolled over and put his head in the crook of John’s neck. John felt his heart swell. Slowly, Alex became closer and closer to John until John could feel Alex's heartbeat on his own chest. John let himself fall asleep, knowing both of them were safe.

“I love them like this.”

“So peaceful…”

“What if they were always like this?”

“I don’t think I could focus, he would be so handsome… both of them. Don’t tell Alex I said that.”

“I won’t don’t worry. I still can’t get over the fact that Alex sees me as a father figure… I know he’s delusional but…”

“I know, it’s better if he’s not like this though.”

John woke to two voices his above him.

“He’s awake.”

“John don’t move. Alex looks happy.”

Eliza and Washington were above him, grinning. Both of them were already dressed in good clothes. 

“What time is it?” John didn’t want to get up, he was happy Eliza had told him to stay where he was.

“About eleven. If Alex knew how much he’s slept…”

“Can I keep sleeping?”

“Of course, John, sorry if we woke you-“

“The two of you are just too happy where you’re sleeping.”

“I’ve been told.” John closed his eyes and was asleep faster than you can say tired.

He next woke to Alex trying to get out of bed, Eliza and Washington nowhere in sight. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, blinking. “Alex?” John, remembering what Eliza had said last night, sat up in bed. “Hey, it’s time to sleep.”

“But I just did that!” 

“I know. Why are you getting up?”

“Gotta work!”

“You already finished everything. You gotta rest up for when you get the next big project. If you sleep now, you’ll have to sleep less then. Come lie down with me. Please? I’ll give you a back rub...” John could only hope it was enough.

Surprisingly, it was. John had sat up, so Alex just lied down on him. John wasn’t sure how to rub Alex’s back, just did little circles. John watched Alex struggle to stay awake, but slowly, his eyes closed. Eventually, he relaxed. Noticing a book on the side table, John chuckled and picked it up. “Thanks Eliza.” He whispered. It was one of the books he had been waiting to read for a while, but hadn’t had the chance. As he read, his hand stroked Alex’s hair. It made him feel like an evil mastermind stroking his pet. 

“You’re awake! Great. How’s the book?”

“I- who- what?” John had been to in the book to notice Eliza enter. “Oh! Good. Thanks.”

Eliza laughed. “How’s Alex?”

“Good. He woke up once, I used your strategy. He fell asleep fast. How did you find out how to do that?”

“Well, normally, it helps calm him. One of the first times I took care of him, I thought I might try it… it worked. I just have used that since. How were you getting him to sleep before?”

“Don’t be mad…”

“Okay?”

“I just let him get up. Any movement makes him really tired. He’d pass out before he could take more than a step.”

“That was smart. How did you know?”

“To do it? Alex doesn’t let anyone help him. He works himself to the breaking point alone. I figured he’d probably do the same thing sick. Evidently, I was right.”

“Good job.”

“About how long is he normally like this for?”

“Five to seven days I think, but after that it takes him a while to fully recover.All his energy is drained from doing nothing and being so sick. As for the exact amount of time, I don’t really know. I don’t do much other than get food, and when we sleep during the day, I don’t know if it’s the same day or not. I just stay in bed and wait. You ready to be in bed for several days?”

“I guess. Are books going to keep magically showing up?”

“I think they might” Eliza said with a smile.

“And, not to be rude, but I will need to get for myself or…”

“We got it. Speaking of which, there should be some soup coming. Are you hungry?” John hadn’t noticed just how hungry he was. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday around noon. “Yes!”

A minute later, Washington came in, bearing three bowls of soup. “Martha’s best, chicken noodle!” He exclaimed.

“Shh!” Hissed Eliza and John, motioning to Alex.

“Sorry.”

The three ate the soup in silence, only the occasional cough or clink. Each of them constantly glancing at Alex, who hadn’t stirred. Once they were all done, Eliza placed the bowls back on the tray Washington had brought in. No one moved to take the tray.

“What now?” Asked John.

“What do you mean?” Eliza questioned.

“Well, what are you going to do all day? What am I going to do?”

“You, are going to stay in bed with Alex until he’s better. I’ll bring you books and games if you want. Eventually, you’ll get tired of sleeping. I, on the other hand, will find a way to entertain myself. George, if you need help around the house…”

“I will be the first to ask.” Washington replied, smiling.

“Unrelated question.” John said. 

“Yes?” 

“What time is it?”

Washington answered first, “about half past nine, I believe.”

“Thanks. You two ought to get to bed then.”

The pair stood up and left, leaving John with Alex once again. John didn’t feel tired, but he knew he had to sleep. He slid down, adjusting Alex until he was on Johns chest, and closed his eyes.

Around an hour later, John was still awake. Nothing was working. He just couldn’t sleep.

An hour after that, John was annoyed. He wanted to sleep and it was almost midnight. His body was tired, but his mind wasn’t. It was terrible. John snuggled closer to Alex and hoped for the best. Eventually, he slept, waking constantly. In the morning he felt no better.

After that night, most of the days were a blur. Alex didn’t get much better, he just slept most of the time. When he was awake, it wasn’t really him. He was delusional, either that or just too out of it to understand anything. He continued to believe that Washington was his dad, and that he loved John. To Johns surprise (and slight happiness), Eliza didn’t seem all that bothered by it, _ maybe she was used to it,  _ John thought. He hoped that wasn’t the case, but it could be. As for John, he stayed in bed the whole time. Eliza would bring him books and play board games, but it was boring. Even though he was in bed all day, Washington and Eliza were forcing him to stay awake, so his sleep would be less messed up when Alex got better. According to Eliza, it took her days to reset her sleep schedule, she didn’t want that for John too. So, John was forced in bed for hours on end with nothing to do. He didn’t despise it, nor did he like it in any way. As much as he loved Alex, not being able to do anything got a bit bothersome after sometime. On the seventh day of Alex being sick, he awoke with a start, panicked.

“Where am I?” He asked, looking around frantically.

“Alex? You’re at Washington’s, remember. He’s been taking care of you.” John was surprised th

“Why?’’ 

“Because, you’ve been sick. Do you remember anything?”

“I remember… going to your house… and going to the lake… and… and… nothing? How long have I been sick?” Alex looked confused.

“About a week. And you remember nothing?”

“No. All I know is that I can’t remember anything and that my head hurts. A lot. Did I hit my head?”

“Yeah, you fell off a horse onto some rocks. We don’t know what it’s going to do to your brain…”

“Oh. Have I been sleeping much?” Alex seemed so curious to know everything. John wondered if he was always like this.

“Almost the whole time. Speaking of which, you should keep sleeping, you need a rest. Especially if you want to get back to work and not have a constant headache.”

Alex blinked a few times, processing what John had said. “I don’t want to sleep. I’m fine.”

John thought quickly. “I don’t care. I’ll sleep with you, then you won’t be alone. Just like you came with me to my house so that I wouldn’t be alone.”

“Okay…” Alex lied down next to John, pulling the blanket up higher. 

John lied down too. In about a minute, Alex was asleep. More tired than he’d thought, apparently. John chuckled to himself as Alex snuggled up to him. He had just begun to relax when Eliza burst in, bearing dinner. 

“John! I told you that you’re not allowed to sleep during the day! You know what it can do to your sleep.”

“I’m sorry. I know. It’s just… Alex woke up again.” John wasn’t sure how to tell Eliza, he knew it should be easy. For some reason, it wasn’t.

“So?”

“He was… more awake. He seemed almost normal.”

“That’s good. It means that he’ll be up and about soon. What did he say?”

“He told me that his head hurt, a lot. And that he didn’t remember anything. Then he started asking a bunch of questions. That’s a lie. He asked two questions and looked like he wanted to ask more. Does he normally do that?” John explained, not looking at Eliza. 

“Yes. Every time he starts getting better, all he wants is to know everything. I usually tell him most things, but you might not want to. Just think how panicked Alex would be if he knew what he’d said. I don’t think he’d show his face for a while…” Eliza told him.

John knew what she was implying. “I suppose you’re right. But, what should I tell him. What is he normally like?”

Eliza thought for a minute, then she said, “Well, it varies from year to year. Mostly, he sleeps all the time, and gives into sleep- he doesn’t like that, but you can tell him. Sometimes he sees things, which is hard to deal with, and every once and a while he is just mad all the time. I don’t know really, most of the time I don’t have to change much. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You know more than anyone else here, so you’re our best source of information. How long does it take him to get better?”

“From this state? It’ll take him four or five days at least to be back to normal. He’ll be able to do stuff for the next few days, but not for long. It’ll take him about a day to be able to walk anywhere. As he gets better, he has more and more stamina. Also, we’ll need to start getting him back on a normal sleep schedule. That’s not to hard. He just has to stay up longer, let him play games or something. Sorry if I sound like a textbook.”

“You don’t, it’s fine. I just need to know what to expect while he gets better. Can you maybe help me?” John said, still not looking at Eliza.

“Of course. I’ll be here until he can work again. I want him better just as much as you do, John.”

John could feel Eliza looking at him, so he just nodded.

The rest of the day passed without Alex waking up again, right up until Eliza and Washington (who had been informed of Alex’s waking)had gone to bed. John was just settling down when Alex’s eye popped open. 

He yawned a few times before saying,“John? What are you doing here?”

“Getting ready for bed,” John didn’t think about his answer very much, he just said it.

“In here? But… this is my room. Sort of.”

“I- you… were sick. I had to… Sorry.” Even with Eliza’s advice, he still wasn’t sure what to say.

“I wasn’t that sick. But… why were- are you in my bed?”

“Because… Eliza wanted someone to stay with you at all times, and since I was the only one there when you got sick… she chose me.” John was trying to not twist the truth too much, and for now, it was working.

“Why couldn’t she?” Alex questioned. “No offence.” 

“Because when you’re sick, apparently, you react better to the person that was with you when you first got sick. At least, that’s just what she told me.”

“Oh. Where is she now?”

“She is down the hall. Asleep. Which I would like to be too. No offence, but I need sleep, and so do you. Okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure. What do you want to do?”

Alex looked at him suspiciously, like he was trying to figure out what John had planned. Seemingly deciding that nothing was worth ‘investigating’, he said, “I want to see Eliza.”

Remembering what Eliza had said about Alex having to regain stamina, John told Alex, “alright, she is just down the hall, three doors to the left. Why don’t I come with you? I haven’t been out of bed in a day.” 

“Okay.” Alex sat up in bed. To Johns surprise, Alex stood up with apparent ease. He started walking out the door and down the hall, John right behind him. When they were about halfway to Eliza’s room, Alex staggered, only to be caught by John, who was ready. 

“Easy there. You alright?” John slowly put Alex back on his feet. 

“Yes! I’m fine. Just a little dizzy.” John could tell that Alex’s breaths were short- no wonder he was dizzy. 

The two of them continued down the hall, this time at a much slower pace. John looked around, he hadn’t been in Washington's house many times, so he was very interested in everything. Just as they were about a foot away from Eliza’s room, Alex took a huge intake of breath, and collapsed. John, who had been looking around, hadn’t been ready for it. Alex hit the ground with a  **thud** . “Dammit!” It took all of John’s power not to yell out. Even so, a moment later, Eliza was standing at the door, rubbing her eyes. 

“Alexander! Why is he so stubborn?” She muttered as she picked him up. “Let me guess, he wanted to see me and you let him? You did the right thing, letting him come. He, on the other hand, is an idiot sometimes.”

Almost proving her point, Alex awoke with a gasp, then proceeded to groan for a moment before saying, “put me down, I’m fine.” He tried to get out Eliza’s arm, and as he was practically the same size as her, succeeded. He tumbled to the ground, panting.

“Having fun down there?” Asked Eliza, sarcastically. She seemed to have a similar approach to helping Alex to John. Let Alex think whatever and let him collapse. It made it much easier to control. He tried to stand, repeatedly failing. Eventually, he lay still, allowing John to pick him up.

“What room do you want him in? Should he sleep with you tonight?” 

“No, he can sleep with you. I like having the bed to myself.”

John was quite sure that Eliza just wanted Alex to stay with him because she knew he would sleep well- Alex had been working away so she’d had the bed to herself for a while. Maybe Alex didn’t sleep as well with her when he was getting better. John secretly hoped that was the case. He liked having Alex with him, but Eliza couldn’t know that… could she?


	6. Definietly fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is getting better.. or so it seems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I just.. forgot to write. I got really busy with everything starting up again that I didn't write.

Once they got Alex back into bed, Eliza went back to her room, and John climbed into bed with Alex. Alex’s eyes were still half open, apparently, he hadn’t given into sleep yet. “Tired?” Asked John, his head level with Alex’s. Why does he have such nice eyes? Why is he so cute? A thousand thoughts went through John’s mind at the same time. All John could think about was Alex and every detail about him. How one side of his hair was higher than the other, how he had bags from working too late, how his eyes reflected the light. God, his eyes. They were just the perfect shade. A deep blue that somehow still manages to shine- he couldn’t find the right word for it. John blinked a few times. Why was he thinking about Alex’s eyes? “Tired?” He asked again, taking the way his shoulders were relaxed and how his eyes were half-closed. Even so, John already knew the answer.

  
Alex shook his head.

  
So predictable, thought John. He wasn’t totally sure how he was going to help Alex to sleep this time. If he did what he’d done before, Alex might remember it. He was just going to have to wait. Over time, John let himself relax. His mind wandered and he completely zoned out. When he was on the verge of sleep, he began to wonder if Alex was asleep too, but he didn’t want to open his eyes. He felt Alex move next him, and figured he was asleep. John let himself drift off to the oblivion of sleep.  
The next morning John awoke to Alex rolling away from him. “Hey? Where are you going?” John muttered, opening his eyes slightly.

  
“I got to work. I’m behind in everything.” Alex was making his way over to get dressed.

  
“Washington had someone to cover for you. It’s fine. Just take a day off, you haven’t really yet.”

  
“Didn’t you tell me that I have been sick for about a week? That’s a long time off if you ask me.”

  
“Yes, but can you remember it?” John knew that Alex was going to work until he dropped and that there was no use.

  
“Well, no but-”

  
“Then it wasn’t a day off. Anyway, you’re still sick. Get back in this bed. You can work, but you’re not going anywhere.” To John’s surprise, Alex listened. He got back into bed with John. “Alright. Where is your work, I’ll grab it for you.”

  
“No, I can grab it. If you just let me…”

  
“Alex, you need recovery. But…”

  
“But?”

  
“I suppose you need exercise. But, if you get at all tired, you have to tell me. If you don’t you’re staying in bed all day, with no work. Okay?”

  
“Fine.” Alex stood up with John and they made their way down the hall. Alex told John about how he had an office when he worked. Partway down the hall, Alex started leaning on John ‘so he used less energy’. John rolled his eyes at this. When they got to the office, Alex sat down in his chair and directed John on what to grab. The exact notebook, every pencil, some books he thought he’d need and whatnot. Eventually, when Alex was satisfied, they made their way back to the room, Alex changing his weight every so often so that he wasn’t putting too much on John. As soon as they were back in the room, Alex lied back down on the bed, allowing John to spread his work around him. Using a pillow to prop himself up, Alex began looking through papers and writing things down. John, who lost interest quite quickly, pulled out another book to read, sitting in one of two chairs that had been brought in so Hogwarts and Eliza could sit with him while Alex slept.

  
About an hour later, Eliza came in, with breakfast for John and herself. “Alex! I didn’t realize that you’d be awake already… and you’re working. Of course you are. Sorry, I don’t have a breakfast for you, but I don’t expect that you’re very hungry, are you.”

  
Alex barley glanced up from his work, “no, not yet.”

  
Eliza handed John his breakfast- some oatmeal and toast- and sat down in the other chair beside him, turning it away from the bed so she could see John better. “How have you guys been this morning?” It was something Eliza had asked him every morning.

  
John responded the same way he usually did, “Lazy.” They both chuckled. They chatted for a while, mostly about their families, a topic they got into a lot. A long while later, Washington came in, with some board games. When he noticed that Alex was working, he just rolled his eyes. He then carried in another chair so the three of them could play at the same tie without someone having to peer way over the table they were using from the bed. Alex didn’t talk to them much, he was focused on his work, but he didn’t complain when they were loud like he usually did.

  
Around lunch, They went to make sandwiches, leaving Alex alone. When they came back (bringing some food for him), he hadn’t moved. He accepted the food, hardly touching it. At one point the three of them switched to reading for books for a while, John finished the one he was one and chose another book, one that looked slightly less interesting, but there was nothing else to read, so John knew it would be fine. Come late afternoon, Alex fell asleep, work all around him. The three of the worked together to remove the work from around him without waking him. It became a sort of game, how much could they remove without Alex waking up. Eventually, they had to get him under the covers, which proved to be a lot more difficult than imagined. It took then nearly a half hour to do all that. When they were done, Alex pushed his head so far into the pillows, John thought he would suffocate, Eliza said he’d be fine. The three of them went for an early dinner, as Eliza wanted to have John get in bed sooner than later. She told him that tomorrow Alex was going to want to move around more so John was going to have to be ready. John was sure that she was right. The way that Alex had been this morning had been kind of tough to figure out, tomorrow he going to have to force Alex to sleep. Eventually the three of them went to bed- even though it was still quite early- and John found Alex sprawled across half the bed, with all the covers on top of him.

  
John readied himself for bed, quiet as he could. When he got into bed, Alex refused to give any covers to him, so John had to wait until the blanket-mass that was now Alex, was on top of him. After some time, John had gotten some blankets back and was slowly falling asleep. From time to time, he would jerk awake, if he sensed a big movement beside him. It took him nearly an hour, but at last, he was asleep.

  
When John awoke, he felt cold. Not a freezing cold, but like something was missing cold. He opened his eyes. Beside him was a pile of blankets. Jeez Alex, he thought, sometimes I want blankets. All the same, he wasn’t that upset. Alex needed to be warm and comfy. If being wrapped up in blankets was what he wanted, then so be it. John sat up. Rubbing his eyes, he subconsciously checked on Alex, to make sure he wasn’t suffocating. He wasn’t. The problem was, he wasn’t even there. Alex had disappeared in the dead of the night. John started to panic, if Alex wasn’t here, he could be anywhere. Then, he realized that he was probably just in Eliza’s room, as that’s where he had been trying to go the night previous. Sighing, John left his room to check on Eliza and Alex. When he got to her room, she was still asleep, curled up on her side. Alex was nowhere in sight. John started panicking again. He raced over to Eliza, shaking her awake.

  
“What?” She groaned, trying to cover her face with a pillow.

  
John pulled the pillow out from under her. “Alex is missing.”

  
Eliza was on her feet faster than John could imagine. Within a second she was standing at John’s side, a worried look on her face. “When was the last time you saw him? How long has he been missing? Where have you checked?”

  
“No where. I thought he was with you. I don’t know how long he has been missing, but I saw him last night and that’s it.” John answered her questions as fast as he could. “Now what? Has he done this before?”

“No. Get George, he might know where Alex goes under stress. Now!”

  
John was so worried about Alex, he doesn’t think twice. You were supposed to keep him safe. He bolts from the room and down the hall to Washington’s room. Not stopping to knock, he burst through the door. Washington and his wife were both in bed, reading. They both looked startled when John came in, but neither was able to speak before John started half-yelling, “Alex is missing. He’s not with me or Eliza. Help.”

  
Washington sat there stunned for a moment before he spoke. “We have to check the whole house. Alex could be anywhere. You and Eliza start, I’ll get all hands on deck. Go.” Washington’s voice was unsettlingly calm. It made John feel worse than he had felt in the past week.

  
John ran back to Eliza’s room, almost hitting the door on the way in, and told he what was going to happen. Within no time, the two of them had searched the entire top floor, while Washington looked downstairs. No one found anything. After some discussion, they decided to look outside, as Alex did lots of his thinking out in the yard. Just as they were about to leave, a thought came to John, one that worried him further than any that he had thought yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger!!!!!!  
I regret nothing!  
Thank you to everyone who has read this far, and even more thanks to all the kudo and comments, they really help me keep going! I hope I'll get the next chapter up soon!


	7. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Alex is lost. And John thinks he knows where he went... but he hopes he’s wrong.

“Guys… what if Alex left on horse? Or just left at all. I mean, he wouldn’t be in his right mind, so it might make sense to him.”

John watched both Eliza’s and Washington’s faces go white. “Where would he have gone?” Asked Washington, quietly.

“Well there’s only one main road, and he can’t have made it too far. I’m going to go look for him. I’ll grab a horse to be faster. You guys should stay here in case he shows up.” John was trying to take control of the situation, but his voice was shaky and he was sure his worry showed on his face. The other two nodded. John turned and ran off to the stables. When he arrived, one horse was missing. The one they had taken to John’s house. Hoping it was just being used, John hopped on another horse and sped off onto the road, looking in every direction to see if Alex was there. He rode for a good ten minutes before he came across anything. After turning a corner, he saw the horse that they had rode to Washington’s, Alex not in sight. Slowing to look closer, John checked every direction around him, not seeing anything. It was not until he reached the horse that he saw anything odd. A small figure was lying about ten meters ahead, motionless. Knowing it was Alex, John jumped off his horse to get closer. When he reached Alex, John was more worried than ever. How long had Alex been here? How hard had he fallen? John bent down beside him to check if Alex was still breathing. He was, good. John began to gently shake Alex. Nothing. Deciding it would be best to bring Alex back to Washington, John lifted Alex onto the horse he had come on. This time since he had no rope, John put Alex in front of him so he could make sure Alex didn’t move to much.  _ Why can’t you keep him safe. _ Going as fast as he could back to Washington’s, without Alex falling off, John held Alex up. When they approached the front doors, John spotted Eliza and Washington. “I’ve got him!” He yelled, voice breaking. Washington helped get Alex off the horse and inside. Once they were inside, Washington’s wife, Martha, took over. She lied Alex down of the sofa and put a cool rag on his head. 

“He’s over-exerted himself… again.” She told them. “It won’t take him long to recover, but likely won’t remember much… still.” She looked at him sadly. “One of you will have to stay with him while he lies here in case he wakes up. We don’t want him running off again. She left, leaving John, Eliza and Washington with Alex. 

“I’ll stay with him.” Volunteered John. “Washington, you still have work to do and I don’t so…”

“And I’ll stay with you.” Stated Eliza, putting her arm on his shoulder. “You can’t watch him until he gets better, you need sleep.”

John didn’t argue, but silently, he vowed not to sleep until they knew Alex would be fine. Washington left, coming back with books and games for him and Eliza. Martha came back too, with breakfast. John didn’t eat, he was too worried. They sat, for hours, not exchanging a word. Around noon, Washington came back down to eat lunch, soup again. That afternoon, Eliza and John played some games, but neither of their hearts were in it. They were both too worried about Alex. After dinner, John sat down to read some more books, Eliza doing the same. Hours later, John looked up to find Eliza asleep, book open on her chest. John smiled, at least she was getting some rest. After looking at Alex for a minute or so, he went back to reading his book.

Hours later, Eliza woke, looking around, confused. After a moment, she remembered where she was, and looked up at John. “Still awake?”

“Yes. I’ve gone through about three books”

“You need to sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

“Fine. How’s Alex?”

“He hasn’t even moved. I’m worried about him.”

Eliza looked at him for a long time before responding, “I know, me too. But he’ll get better, he always does.” Her voice sounded more confident than she looked.

“Okay,” John went back to his book. Neither of them spoke for a long time after that. The only sounds were the occasional flip of a page or the sound of Alex breathing. 

In the early hours of the next morning, Washington came down, yawning. Noticing John and Eliza reading, he asked, “did either of you even sleep last night?”

Eliza spoke first, “I did. For a bit at least. John, on the other hand, didn’t.” Her voice was disapproving, and John knew he deserved it.

“John! Why? You need sleep!”

“I’m not tired.” John didn’t have an explanation, other than he wasn’t tired. Which was at least true. Washington looked at John sadly, then, turned around to bring in a tray full of sausages, eggs, bread and other delicious looking stuff. Eliza and Washington piled their plates with food immediately. John, however, stood back for a moment, hesitant to eat.

“You alright John?” Asked Eliza, looking concerned.

“I… I’m fine. Just… not all that hungry. But I’ll eat anyway. I’ll probably be hungry later.” John picked up a plate, putting a bit of everything on it. Eliza asked Washington about his work, and they became in a very intense discussion quickly. John didn’t listen. He zoned out, thinking about Alex. He was just so worried, and so… guilty. For whatever reason, John knew that it was his fault for letting Alex go. It was his fault he was like this. His fault. All his fault. John sat there, staring at Alex for a long time.  _ I’m supposed to keep him safe.  _ He didn’t notice when Eliza and Washington left the room, he just kept staring at Alex, worrying. After a while Eliza and Washington returned, laughing, with a couple of beers. Eliza held one out to John, who didn’t notice for a few seconds. When he did, he jerked out his daze, confused. “What? Oh, thanks Eliza.” The three of them sat down to drink, chatting. John laughed with the other two, but on the inside, he was worrying about Alex.

“So, John, George was telling me about all the work you’ve been doing in the camp. It sounds really boring.” Eliza asked, awkwardly.

“It is. No offence, sir.”

“None taken.”

The conversation stopped after that. The three of them sat in an awkward silence, no one speaking, just staring at Alex. After a while, John felt his eyes start to close, he struggled to keep them open. After a while, his head was nodding up and down slightly.

“John? Are you alright?” Washington asked.

“Yeah… just a little tired.” His voice was disoriented, he didn’t know where it was coming from. 

“We gotta get you to bed. You can’t sleep there.” Eliza was on one side of him, but John couldn’t tell which. 

John felt two sets of arms pull him onto his feet, which seemed like jelly to him. They helped him walk up the stairs, not letting him fall. John’s eyes were hardly open now, his head almost on his chest. Everything felt fuzzy, like it was halfway to disappearing. Before John knew it, he was lying in a bed, covers on top of him. He wanted to get up, to check on Alex, to make sure Alex was okay, but he was too tired. He struggled against sleep for a while, but Eliza, determined to get him asleep (apparently she was worried about him too) sat down beside him, and stroked his hair. How she knew that it calmed John was beyond him, maybe it was because it helped Alex. John didn’t care. He was too tired. Eventually, he fell asleep, Eliza still stroking his hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. That was a fun chapter to write. I hoe you liked it! There are only two more chapters and I’m getting excited!!!!! Thank you for reading this!


	8. What if?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations, and Alex actually wakes up for a bit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who has read this far! There is only one chapter left, and I hope to get it up soon!

Johns dreams were muddled.Even if he tried, he couldn’t remember them, not even bits. They were on the edge of his brain, almost there, but not quite. He felt dizzy, but not a sick dizzy, dizzy. When he opened his eyes, it was too much, he had to close them. Groaning, he tried to sit up, failing. Instead, he just tried to get used to opening his eyes, which was hard. He didn’t know why, but everytime he opened his eyes, his room would close in on him, while at the same time, expand at a rapid speed. It was just too much for John. He groaned a bit more before anyone came. Eventually, Eliza sat by his side, talking to someone else.

“Yes, and some tea. He’ll need it.” She then bent down next to John and put her hand on his shoulder, to let him know she was there. 

John smiled, he didn’t know if he actually was smiling, but inside he was. 

“How are you feeling?”

John tried to respond, but his throat felt thick. All that came out were a few groans.

“Alright then. You’ve been out for around six hours. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything with Alex. He isn’t up yet. Can you open your eyes?” Eliza asked him.

John tried again, slower this time. It didn’t work, it still made him feel sick. He shut his eyes quickly, but not before he saw Eliza look over him. 

“Okay. I’ll give you a few minutes, then we’ll try again, okay?’’ Eliza’s voice was soft, like she knew how much John’s head was hurting him. 

Grateful, John nodded his head slightly. For a while, nothing happened, Eliza just rubbed his back with such a nice rhythm, that John knew that she must do it for Alex frequently. After some time, a noise from somewhere around John sounded. He felt Eliza stand, even though she kept her hand on him. There was a clinking of dishes, then nothing. Eliza was back to sitting with him.

“I’m going to sit you up, okay? I have some tea here for you. It might help.” She rolled him onto his back, then pushed him into more of a sitting position. Once he was propped up, she told him, “Open your mouth slightly. I’m going to help you for now.”

John did as he was told. He felt the cold cup touch his lips, immediately followed by hot tea. Not too much, just a little. Slowly, John drank the tea, helped by Eliza the whole time. 

When they were done, Eliza asked, “alright, now, I know it’s hard, but can you try to open your eyes?”

John wanted his eyes open, purely so he could see Alex. Doing as Eliza asked, he cracked his eyes open. The feeling was a lot less intense this time. It was there, but less intense. Slowly, he opened his eyes all the way, still feeling quite dizzy. 

“Good. Are you still feeling sick?” 

John didn’t want to move his head, so he tried his voice again. “A little.” His voice was raspy, but at least it worked. 

“Do you think you can stand? I know you really want to see Alex, so we could make our way downstairs.”

John didn’t hesitate. “I think so. Let’s go.” His voice was only a little stronger. With Eliza’s help, John stood. The whole way downstairs, He was slightly leaning on Eliza. Even if he was fine, he didn’t think she would let him go unsupported. When they reached the room where Alex was, John immediately collapsed into the nearest chair. 

Moments later, Washington entered, with more tea. “How is he?”

Eliza responded first. “Not great, but he’s up at least.”

“Good. John, would you like more tea?” Washington held a cup out to him, filled with the same tea he had just had.

John nodded, taking the cup. Eliza, worried he would drop it on himself, was at his side quickly. “Do you want help?” She asked, tentatively.

John shook his head slightly, he was still very dizzy. “How’s Alex?” He asked, taking a sip of tea.

“Not better- but we think he might be sleeping and not unconscious. He muttered a few words every now and then, but he hasn’t moved at all.”

As if denying Washington’s statement, Alex turned slightly in his sleep. The three of them stared at him for a moment before anyone said anything. 

“So, he’s moved, but not much.’’ Corrected Eliza, smiling at Washington. 

“Right. And are you able to move him into the bed upstairs or does he have to stay on the couch?” John said, raising his eyebrows in question.

“Well, we could move him upstairs- seeing how light he is and all. That should work… John might be able to get some sleep too.” Washington winked at him.

“Speaking of sleeping,” John interrupted, “do either of you know what happened to me earlier? I don’t normally fall asleep- or wake up- like that. Nor wake up disoriented like I did. Sorry for interrupting, sir.” He added. Even though he had spent a lot of time with Washington over the past few days, he was still John’s boss.

Washington and Eliza looked at eachother, having a silent conversation. After a moment, Eliza spoke, cautiously. “We may have… helped… with that.”

“Helped how, exactly?” John was almost mad, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually get angry, they were just trying to help- and he was still too tired to think properly.

“Well… whenever I’m sick, Martha gives me a drop of something in my drink. It helps me sleep. I don’t actually know what it is, but we gave some to you, to ‘help’ you sleep.” George looked very uncomfortable.

_ Serves him right.  _ John thought, but he immediately regretted it. “Do you normally react like I did?” 

“Um… no. I don’t. But as I said, Martha only give me a drop.”

“And how much did you give me?”

Eliza spoke this time, “Like, 3. Sorry, it slipped.” The two of them were looking down, obviously regretting their decision.

John decided not to give them a hard time. “Well, no harm done right?” He laughed, to ease the tension, but it sounded forced. With perfect timing once again, Alex groaned. All three of them were at his side in a second.

“Owww…” He groaned, rubbing his eyes. “Where am I?”

“Washington's.” Eliza spoke in a quiet voice that was nearly a whisper. It seemed she didn’t want to startle in anyway. 

“Oh… what happened?” Alex was staring at all three of them, his eyes still hazy with sleep.

“Well, what do you remember?” Asked John- he didn’t want to let something slip. Eliza nodded at him knowingly.

“I remember… going to John’s sisters… then the lake… then a lot of fuzziness. Then I think I was working. And then… a horse? Was that a dream? Why was I on a horse?” Alex looked a mixture of confused and worried to all of them. 

“Well, Alex, you were sick and-” John was cut off by Alex groaning

“You weren’t supposed to find out. Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault, okay? And, there’s no way you could have kept me from it- especially not after you drowned. I would have kept an eye on you anyway.”

“I drowned? I thought I was above the water? When did-”

“At the lake. You hit a really deep part that I forgot to tell you about. You sunk and you weren’t able to stay up then I went to get you-" Johns voice sped up, he was beginning to panic- "and you were sinking and you were at the bottom-"He was hyperventilating-"but you weren’t moving and-” 

“John, calm down, it’s alright. Just breathe. Okay? Alex is fine now. Just breathe. Breathe.” Eliza put a hand on John back, rubbing in slow circles. 

All John was doing was worrying, the small circles that Eliza was doing wasn’t helping much. His mind was still racing.  _ What if he couldn’t get up? What if I hadn’t gotten there in time? What if he died?  _ His ears were buzzing, he couldn’t hear much. _ What if Alex was dead right now and it was my fault? What if he was dead? What if I hadn’t pulled him up?  _ His eyes closed without him noticing.  _ What if the CPR hadn’t worked? What if I hadn’t been there? What would have happened if I had been a second later?  _ John felt himself hit the ground, but he couldn’t bring himself out of this state.  _ What if I hadn’t been there? What if he’d died? There were so many times he could have died. What if Alex was dead? What if- What if What if What if What if Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatif _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you go. Thank you to anyone who has left kudos and comments, they are really appreciated! It makes me sad that there is only one more chapter left, but we had to get there eventually.....


	9. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John wakes up, stories, and also John's mouth won't stop...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!!!!!!! I have been waiting for this day for so long! Thank you to everyone who read this!!!!! I hope that I can finish some of my other stories soon, but I had this one first on my list to finish...

“John! Wake up!”

Someone was calling him, shaking him, but he didn’t know where or who they were.

“John, come back. Please. John!”

His face was on someone, but he couldn’t tell whose.

“John, it’s Alex- me, Alex. I’m fine. Wake up.”

Alex. He was alive. John struggled to bring himself out of the state he was in, but he managed to open his eyes. He heard a collective sigh of relief as he did.

“John! You’re okay! Oh thank goodness.” Alex was staring down at him, John was lying in his lap.

“Alex? What? Where am I?” John didn’t remember anything, just the endless spiral.

“Your in my room- the one at Washington’s. You passed out, sort of. You were shaking and moaning. Then you quieted down for a bit and we brought you up here. About a minute ago, you started screaming. John I was so scared I thought… I don’t know what I thought. But then you woke up.”

“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me… I just… panicked. How long was I out?”

Alex thought about it for a minute, “I think about twenty minutes, not that long. But still.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?” 

John thought it was obvious, “well I scared you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” There was silence for a few moments. Then Alex spoke, “so, what happened when I was sick? Eliza said you were the only one there and that you could explain it best.”

“That is probably true.”

A beat. “Well?”

John realized that he hadn’t spoken yet. “Oh! Right. Sorry. Well, so, when we got to the lake, you decided to go in early…” John recounted most of the story, leaving out parts that Alex might be really embarrassed or angry about. When he was done, Alex looked at the ground so John couldn’t see his face. “What?” He asked, worried.

“I- I- I shouldn’t have put you through all that, I’m sorry. I should have looked after myself and-”

“There is no way you could have looked after yourself in that state. And, honestly, I’m kind of happy.”

“Why?” Alex looked up at him, confused.

“Because, I got to find out that sometimes you can be vulnerable… and adorable.” He added, grinning.

Alex looked down, bright red. “Oh? How adorable?”

It took all of John’s power not to say  _ adorable enough to kiss,  _ he knew Alex didn’t remember it and he didn’t want to cause another problem. Instead he said, “adorable enough to cuddle.”

Alex looked surprised. “I… cuddled- I…I- cuddled you?” John found that Alex’s stuttering made him cuter.

“Yes. More than once, actually.” John was hoping that his face didn’t show any pleasure.

“How many times?” 

“Maybe… every time you fell asleep.” John told him, grinning.

Alex went ever redder, “shoot! Sorry.”

“It’s fine, anyways, you’re cute when you sleep.”

“Am I?”

“Very.” John wanted to stop talking, but his mouth seemed to have a mind of its own.

“Well then…” Alex trailed off awkwardly.

“Well then…” John repeated, in the same, awkward tone.

The two sat in silence for a while, just staring off somewhere. Then, John, trying to make conversation, asked, “uh… what time is it? I’ve passed out enough times today that I don’t know anymore…”

“It’s about eight I think.” Alex paused, “wait, when else did you pass out today?”

John sighed and explained what had happened with Eliza and the unknown substance that they had given him. Alex didn’t look the least bit surprised when he’d finished.

“You know, Eliza does stuff like that to me sometimes. But her and Washington, the most father-like person I’ve ever met… that is not a pair I want to get on the bad side of.” Alex gulped, almost smiling.

“Mmm, yeah.” John was only half listening. He had suddenly gotten tired, likely from the stress of the day, and his eyes were beginning to close. He struggled to keep them open as Alex continued to talk, but his voice seemed so smooth and John was almost asleep. He felt his head fall onto Alex’s shoulder, but made no effort to move it. He felt Alex shift slightly under the weight, and heard him stop speaking for a moment. He only started again when John made a noise of protest, willing him to keep speaking. For a while, Alex rambled on about nothing, just letting John listen to the sound of his voice. John felt himself slipping away, even though he wanted to keep listening to Alex’s voice. After some time, John let himself go into the world of sleep, with dreams of Alex coming to him as they please.

John woke in the early hours of the morning, Alex wrapped around him again. Not wanting to move, John tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work. He lied there, not knowing how much time passed, listening to Alex’s breathing and watching his chest rise and fall. 

When Alex finally awoke, John hadn’t been paying enough attention to realize that he was staring right at Alex. When Alex coughed, he started, looking at those deep blue eyes again,  _ damn, his has nice eyes,  _ John thought for probably the thousandth time. He then realized he was still staring at Alex. “I.. um.. Sorry.” He muttered, blushing.

Alex grinned. “It’s fine.” He held his gaze, not looking away from John’s eyes. They stared at each other for a long time, neither wanting to look away. At some point, Alex realized that he was wrapped around John. “I see what you mean when you say that I cuddled you…” He said, going red. He ‘removed’ himself from John’s grasp and looked away. Just like that, the spell was broken. 

As Alex moved, John had to go against every instinct he had to not grab Alex and keep cuddling him. When Alex turned to get out of bed, John stared sadly after him. He wanted Alex, even though he was with Eliza. He wanted Alex to love him back, even though that was impossible. He wanted so much he could never have. 

“Do you think Washington will let me work today? I mean I feel fine, but you know him.” Alex was talking to him while getting changed.

John jerked out of his daze. “What? Oh, I don’t know. If he won’t, just come work up here again.”

Alex thought for a minute, “okay. I’ll be right back.” He turned and walked out of the room, leaving John to his thoughts.

He let himself think, not paying attention to anything. It was something he had been doing a lot lately. He thought about Alex and Washington. He thought about the books he’d read. At some point, he lost track of what he was thinking completely and stopped for a moment, wondering. After some time, Alex came back, pouting. “What?” Asked John, already guessing what Alex would say.

“Washington told me no work- not even in here! He says I need to be one hundred percent better before I’m aloud to work.”

“Poor you.”

“Hey! I like work”

John rolled his eyes. “Of course you do.”

“Also, Washington wants to see you. He’s in his office.” 

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know, ask him yourself. He just told me to ask you to see him.” Alex told him offhandedly.

“And you just mentioned that now?” John exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “I’ll be back.” He told Alex, rushing out the door.

Washington was in his office, just like Alex had said. When John knowed at the door, he looked up. “Oh, Laurens, good. Come in. Sit.” He gestured to a chair in front of him.

John took it, fearing the worst.

“I suppose you’re wondering why I asked you here.”

“Yes sir.” John said, looking at his knees.

“Well, honestly, I asked you here to thank you.” 

John could feel Washington’s eyes on him. “Thank me? For what, sir?”

Washington looked surprised, “well, you should know! You took care of Alex for the past few days better than I’ve seen anyone in a long time. I want to thank you for it.”

John was speechless. He had not expected this. He looked up, grinning from ear to ear. “Thank you, sir. That means a lot.”

“That was really all I had to say. Thank you for your time, Laurens. And thank you again for watching Alex.”

“Anytime, sir.” John stood up, making his way to the door. Just as he was about to leave, he heard Washington speak once more.

“You kept him safe, Laurens, you kept him safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats the end! I can't beleive I'm done! I'm both happy and sad, but I hope all of you enjoyed it. If you did like it, you can always leave kudps or a comment! Anyway, Thank you all so very very much! I can't wait to write some more for this series!!!!!


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